mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So vagazzling was a success
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
