Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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