Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize