I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
