Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
