She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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