I think my vagina is haunted
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
