i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
