Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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