was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
