the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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