I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
