I seem to have left my pride at pride
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
