"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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