PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Randomize
