as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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