My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
