Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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