Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
