Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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