Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
