For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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