dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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