giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
