how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
