she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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