I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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