Sry I called you an 8
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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