Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
Randomize
