I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
