Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
