Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize