he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
