I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
