you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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