Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
how drunk are you?
Several
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
