I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My nipple is on Facebook.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
