Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
the raccoons are back...
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