I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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