Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
