it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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