So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He better not be in your backpack
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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