Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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