Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
