why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
