dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
