my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize