those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize