I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
