If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize