nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I wish there were birth control emojis
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize