margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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