i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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