Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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