It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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