Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he laminated a picture of his dick.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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