bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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