Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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