DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Randomize
