Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she told me i tasted like america
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
