Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He? As in you personified your dick?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
