i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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