morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
