Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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