I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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