my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
